Two Projects Going On at the Same Time?

As everybody knows, I tried my hand at NaNoWriMo this year.  The bad news, and perhaps the most obvious news, is I failed to meet the deadline.  Again.  Not to mention the wordcount was going to be an issue even if I DID finish the story in time.

Still, I don’t hate the project so far.  I’m still working on it as of this writing, but am on the verge of reaching the ending.  And then, the revisions.  The countless, countless revisions.

Whether or not it’ll receive a paperback version is honestly up in the air.  I usually try to hit 100 pages on Microsoft Word before I guarantee a paperback.  HikikoMorey came dangerously close to being Ebook only.  Right now, all I can guarantee is I don’t plan on discontinuing The Majin Among Us just yet.

However, over the weekend, I was struck with inspiration.  next thing I know, I have about two Korean watermelon-flavored softdrinks pumping through my system, and about five chapters of a new, more adult-oriented project written down.

And when I say adult-oriented, I mean a story for adults.  I don’t mean porn, or even erotica.  Plenty of drugs, though.

The second project I’m working on is under the working title of COLA.  Much like Gael, and the Highfill, Kansas novellas, it jumps from the prospective of at approximately three narrators.  In fact, this approach to story telling seems to slowly, but surely be becoming my style.  Nothing wrong with it, obviously, but it’s just a musing I find myself stumbling across after looking over what I have thus far.

Between The Majin Among Us, and COLA, I have no idea which one is going to see the light of day first.  COLA is definitely the newer one, but the idea is definitely flowing out of my brain a lot more quickly than The Majin Among Us.  T.M.A.U. took a lot longer than a single weekend to get five chapters done.  Not to mention it’s much easier for me to write from an adult’s perspective than it is a teenager’s.

I’m not making any guarantees which one will be finished first.  Assuming, of course, I decide either one of them is worth sharing at the end of the day.  It’s definitely going to be 2018 before you see either of these in their final form.

All I can say for sure is that I’m currently juggling two completely different stories.  I haven’t done this since high school, and this usually led to either one of them, or both of them getting dropped completely back then.  Then again, I’m much better at finishing what I started when it comes to writing projects these days.  As long as it isn’t a total brick wall like Alabasq ended up being.  Both times around.

I’ll be sure to keep you informed on the goings on with bothFor now, though, this is all I got.  Hope you’re satisfied with me teasing you for the time being. projects.

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The Sims 4 for PS4: My Thoughts

Holy fucking hell.  I seriously can’t believe I was waiting for this.

Look, I’m not a PC gamer.  A lot of the time, I end up getting computers that can’t run shit as far as PC games go.  I suppose STEAM has remedied that problem…  Or maybe Eternal doesn’t require a whole lot of processing power to run.  In any case, aside from Eternal, which I haven’t played since July, I generally don’t do PC gaming.

Meanwhile, there’s The Sims.  If I have literally ANY guilty pleasure in life, it’s probably The Sims.  This is hands down the single dumbest idea for a video game anybody has ever had.  And have you seen some of the shovelware on STEAM?  And yet, despite this, it’s been one of my all-time favorite things to play.

I tried playing it on PC back in the day, but found that it crashed regularly.  The console version for PS2, and the offshoot game known as The Sims: Busting Out, were games that saw some heavy rotation in my old PS2.  I tried playing The Sims 2 on the WII, but found it to be a serious ordeal.  Not necessarily because of the game itself, but because this was the point the WII was losing its novelty.

I came to the console version of The Sims 3 for PS3 way late in the game, but I ended up enjoying the shit out of it.  I thought lifespans would ruin the game, but honestly, it made it MORE interesting to see.  I put the game in around March, played it religiously, and when I finally came back to reality, I came to the revelation of “Holy shit, it’s July!”.

I’ve honestly heard the ultimate definition of mixed reviews for The Sims 4, and a lot of the negative reviews were about all the features from The Sims 3 that got cut out, and reintroduced as DLC.  SEMI-RELATED NOTE: fuck EA Games.  I anticipated the release of the console port, and it finally came out earlier this week.  And I legitimately can’t remember the last time something Sims related left me this disappointed.  Seriously, even Urbs: Sims in the City was novel for a while.  Before it got stupid.

The menus in this game are fucking horrible.  Microscopic text on eye bleeching backgrounds is nothing especially new for The Sims (this was a problem dating back to around The Sims 2 as memory serves), but man, it’s especially annoying here.

It’s made extremely worse the moment I discovered they expected you to use a fucking curser to navigate everything.  A curser.  On a fucking PS4!  Seriously, bro, what’s wrong with having a simple scrollable menu on the left, and my sim on the right?  It worked just fine in The Sims 3.

The interface of this game is the most atrocious part of this entire console port.  I suppose I should be a little happy they went with something other than bleech white for the create-a-sim screen, but having everything in icons, and having to use a FUCKING CURSER to click on things…  This probably works fine for PC, but on console, this is unacceptable.

The curser is made even worse by being uncooperative.  It goes from sluggish to streaking across the screen in nothing flat, and someone like me who operates on one faulty eye loses track of this thing WAY too easily.

You can technically click the touchpad on your controller, and go to using the D-pad or left analog stick to navigate menus…  Except that’s somehow MORE inefficient.  I literally NEEDED the broken fucking curser to do certain things.

The game provides tutorials if you ask for them.  Unfortunately, the text is so fucking tiny, and the tiny black text on bright white gives me headaches.  I’ve literally had more fun looking directly at the sun for an hour.  If the menu system wasn’t such a pain in the ass, this wouldn’t be a problem.  Believe me, I’ve often said “fuck the tutorial” and made it through games by figuring out where everything is.  Except here, the menus are fucking impossible to figure out.

I played this game for about forty minutes, and I’m so fucking annoyed with it that I’m debating whether or not I want to give it another go tomorrow night.  My sim is currently standing on the sidewalk, texting his buddies…  Or maybe he’s playing Flappybird?  He’s doing something on his cell phone like an idiot, because I have no fucking clue how to build his house.  And I can’t build his house because the interface is unintuitive and frustrating, I can’t read the tutorials, and thus far, all the YouTube videos I’ve consulted deal with the PC version.  Because fuck console gamers, I guess.

All and all, I consider this to be a major disappointment at best, and fifty bucks I’m never going to get back at worst.  I wish my PS4 was backward compadible with PS3, because then I could just plug in my copy of The Sims 3, and play that instead.  At least then it’d be fun.

I couldn’t tell you if The Sims 4 is any good or not.  It’s got all the fun stuff you’d expect from the past games, plus the ability to make vampires apparently, but I’ll never know, because this game is a fucking headache to deal with on PS4.  I guess stick with the PC version?

Reincarnation Blues, My Thoughts

1As much as I love the PEOPLE in my book club, the selections have left something to be desired.

I’ve tried The Rise and Fall of D.O.D.O. by Neil Stevenson, and I honestly wasn’t impressed.

I tried the first book in Illuminae, and the fact it was classified as young adult might as well have been the red flag to end all red flags.

I tried From a Buic 8 by Stephen King, and was honestly pretty disappointed with it.

So far, out of all the books we’ve picked as a group, the only one I can say I truly loved was Reincarnation Blues by Michael Poore.

Reincarnation and spirituality fascinate me.  Having been a kid growing up in the reddest part of Red Kansas, my only choices for religions were Catholicism, and Presbyterianism.  And when I say choices, I meant that my family was Presbyterian, and I had no choice but to be Presbyterian along with them.  So in other words, my spiritual studies could be summarized as “Jesus is correct, worship him or fuck off”.  But I’ve gone on that topic a bunch already, so I won’t bore you with it here.

Moving to the city, and gaining access to the internet were the best things that ever happened to me in this regard, because I found myself researching a lot about religion and spirituality over the course of my life.  I eventually settled on Baha’i, but even after settling, I still like to read what other religions have to say on this matter.  And Reincarnation Blues has an interesting interpretation of how reincarnation works.

Whether Reincarnation Blues builds its model of reincarnation on the Hindu, or the Buddhist concept is something I’m not entirely sure of.  I’m guessing the Buddhist version, considering one of the main character’s lifetimes was during the times of The Buddha himself, but honestly, Buddhism’s concept of the afterlife seems to borrow pretty heavily from Hindu.

The story, regardless, is fascinating.  At worst, I’d say it’s a bit on the predictable side the moment you find out there’s a finite number of lifetimes you’re allowed to have, and the fact the main character only has five more to go, but predictable isn’t the same as bad.

It’s all about attaining enlightenment, and going through “the sun door”.  What awaits you on the other side of the sun door?  Milo doesn’t seem all that interested at first, due to the fact the love of his life exists in the realm between lives.  Love makes you do crazy things.  It makes you lose count of lives and spend a lot of your time between them just hanging around deserts learning how to juggle.  I guess.  And here I thought it just made you forget smelling your girlfriend’s hair is considered creepy.  Don’t ask.

The humor in this book has been likened to Douglas Addams: author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.  It really depends on which passage we’re talking about.  Sometimes, I can totally see it.  Other times, that seems like a stretch.  The book has its own, unique, dry sense of humor.  Life and death are clearly irrelevant, and it really needs to be that way, or else the concept of reincarnation really loses its power.

The audiobook is read by Mark Bramhall, and…  He’s okay.  Listening to him read is like listening to a bed time story read by my grandpa, honestly.  Although I don’t think my grandpa ever read me any bed time stories with this much death involved.  In any case, his performance isn’t distracting, and the story never feels like a chore at any point.

I honestly recommend this book.  I’ve even thought of giving it a second readthrough once I’m done with the monumental pile of crap I have in my Audible.com cue right now.  It’s totally worth your time.

From Undefeated to Unbearable to Watch

If I’ve learned anything in life, I’ve learned that being a Chiefs fan is an exercise in masochism.  Every football team has its off-days, and some even have off-seasons (IE, this year’s Indianapolis Colts).  But man, The Chiefs really know how to build your hopes up just high enough to make it hurt that much more when the cleats come down on your balls.

At first, we were 5-0.  We managed to be the longest going undefeated team in 2017, if not one of them, and the playoffs were a guarantee.  Shit, we beat the fucking Patriots in game 1!

Then game 6 happened, and it’s honestly been all down hill from there.

Losing to The Steelers is one thing: love them or hate them, Pittsburgh’s got one of the better teams in the league.  I could probably forgive our loss to The Cowboys, but only because I missed that game.  Losing to The Raiders was humiliating: partly because it’s the fucking Raiders, but also because they scored that same touchdown, like, five different times in a row, but had to replay it every single time because somebody kept getting ten and fifteen-yard-penalties that negated the play entirely.

And then, we played The Giants.  The 1-7 Giants, I might add.  one of my favorite YouTubers of all time has frequently referred to The G-men as “The NFL’s sentient derp”, and this year, it’s not hard to see why.  This is really the quarterback who led Big Blue into what looked like a slaughter, and somehow managed to pants Tom Brady and the undefeated Patriots?  Because based on the clips shows I’ve seen, the one thing this team has going for it is that it’s not Cleveland, whom as of this writing are sitting ugly at 0-10.

The Chiefs, even during their undefeated streak, weren’t a flawless team.  While not as bad as some teams, our defense left a lot to be desired.  Still, even a team like this ought to be able to get a touchdown.

This game, without a shadow of a doubt, has got to be the most boring Chiefs game I’ve ever sat through.  And I’m definitely counting games that had a score of 35 to 0.  Regardless of who had the 35 and who had the 0.  Fieldgoalmania was running wild, brother, and somehow, this game managed to make it into overtime.  In which it was won by ANOTHER FUCKING FIELDGOAL!

Our next game is against The Bills.  The Giants may be having a bad year, but The Bills are having a bad… decade, I guess.  In their last game, the quarterback threw not one, not two, but FIVE interceptions.  In one half.  And I have five bucks on the table right now that says we somehow lose this one as well.

I’m in disbelief that this is the same team that, at the beginning of the season, destroyed The Patriots.  But I guess this is the sort of thing that happens here in KC.  When the games actually matter, the Chiefs choke.  Fuck my life.

South Park: The Fractured But Whole: My Thoughts

It’s been a long time since I’ve managed to successfully play a game to completion.  By which I mean I finished the storyline, and not the obsessive compulsive “FIND FUCKING EVERYTHING!” way of gameplay Jirard The Completionist has apparently made a thing over on YouTube.

The last time I ever managed to start a game, and see it all the way to the end, Catherine was the hot new thing everybody was obsessed with.  Before realizing it was just a really pretty tower climber with anime graphics, getting bored, and moving on.  I liked Catherine, but trust me, if I reviewed that game here, we’d be here all night.

South Park: The Fractured But Whole (heheheheh) officially holds the distinction of being the first game in six years I’ve played from start to finish.  Even Killer is Dead couldn’t accomplish that, and Suda51 is pretty much my video game god in adulthood.

The funny thing, though, is I never finished The Stick of Truth: the game that came before this one.  I played it, I made some pretty decent progress…  But then I got beamed up onto The Visitors’ ship, and I distinctly remember that being the point where I decided I’d had enough.  I don’t know if it was a heavy reliance on point-and-shoot puzzles, or if the visitors puzzle was so frustrating that I got annoyed and moved on to…  Whatever I ended up moving on to (2014 is kind of a blur anymore).  I distinctly remember the fart controls in that game being way more complicated than they needed to be.  Oi, the things you think you’ll never say out loud.  And this is coming from a guy who once proudly owned a Sega Genesis game by the name of Boogerman.

Fortunately, I found that you don’t need to finish The Stick of Truth to understand what’s going on in The Fractured But Whole.  The parents appear to hate each other a lot more compared to the first game, but the storyline with the titular Stick of Truth is abandoned completely in favor of playing superheroes.

In all honesty, I never really liked the superhero characters in South Park.  Granted, the Coon and Friends trilogy wasn’t nearly as tedious and painful to sit through as the Imagination Land trilogy, but I just didn’t get into it.  The fact Mentberry Crunch ended up being the savior of mankind was great, and ended up saving the entire thing from being a chore, but honestly, I have little desire to sit through it again.

All that being said, somehow, the superhero characters work better as video game characters.  Maybe it’s because we’re seeing all this from their perspective, and from their perspective, the battles and the overall adventure is loads more epic.  Or maybe I just didn’t give the superhero characters their due the first time around.  Maybe I SHOULD watch that trilogy again.

The combat in Fractured But Whole is an improvement.  Rather than rip off Paper Mario, they decided to…  I want to say rip off Mega Man Battle Network, but I’ve heard others compare the combat to XCOM, and to a similar extent, Mario Rabbids Kingdom Battle.  The latter basically being both an XCOM ripoff, and being the ultimate crossover game that literally nobody asked for.  Seriously, when was the last time the rabbids were relevant?

In any case, combat is based around selecting an attack, and positioning yourself on a battle grid.  Sometimes, the only thing you can do is reposition your party, and other times, you can unload some serious whupass on some sixth graders.  There’s definitely some thought that goes into each battle, and I found it to be a major improvement.  If it ever got tedious, it had less to do with the combat itself, and more to do with the people I was fighting.

Another feature that becomes available in combat is the “microagression” mechanic.  Characters in this game have a lot to say, and if they drop a slur like “queer”, “sissy”, and “pussy”, you can declare microagression, gain a free hit, and negate their turn completely.  It’s amusing enough, although I have to question how I didn’t get a microagression opportunity when one character called me a “homo”, and yet it declared microagression when Butters declares “I’m a healer, not a fighter, although I can do both.”

The story…  Is South Park.  Much like the first game, it’s got some pretty generous amounts of fan service that only long-time fans of the show will really appreciate.  Not to mention they added in tidbits from the last couple of seasons that came after Stick of Truth.  IE, the song “Where My Country Gone” playing over the musack machine in some of the stores.

Once again, you play as a created character, but this time, you can decide what gender they are, what race they are, what religion they are, whether they’re cisgender or transgender…  I get the feeling this was Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s answer to the people griping about how you could only create boys in Stick of Truth.  That, or the addition of PC Principal to South Park canon warrented some PC humor, and this seemed like a good way of shoving it in.  I’ll believe either one, honestly.

Apparently, the game becomes more difficult if you decide to make your character black.  I don’t know HOW exactly, on the count I wussed out and played a white kid.  However, if playing as a cisgendered girl proved anything to me, it’s that it really doesn’t have any payoff what you pick.

My only real gripe with Fractured But Whole is that The cut scenes, near as I can tell, are unskippable.  Not great for when you’re stuck on a boss, and find yourself losing multiple times in a row.

You can turn down the difficulty, or turn it UP if you’re psychotic enough, at any point in the game.  I generally kept it on the standard difficulty…  Right up until I got to the second-to-last boss fight in the game where the superhero versions of you and your friends travel back in time, and fight the Stick of Truth versions of yourselves.  I’ll own up to pussing out after about ten tries with five different arrangements of party members.  Sue me.

And yeah, spoilers.  Whatever: everybody and their mom is putting up Let’s Plays of it on YouTube.

All and all, I enjoyed this game from start to finish.  It had its moments of frustrations, but it only ever felt unfair around the second-to-last boss fight.  And even then, they give you the option to puss out and lower the difficulty.  If anything was ever difficult before and after that, it was either my fault for not checking the objective right away, or because Mitch Conner is a cheating sack of crap.

I highly recommend you play this game.

 

Taking the NaNoWriMo Challenge Again!

NaNoWriMo is the challenge of writing an entire novel in a month  From 11/1 to 11/30, your task is to sit down, and let the story flow out of your hands and onto the word processor.

I tried this in 2014, and while I technically didn’t finish the story in time to complete the challenge, I ended up loving the story enough to keep going.  I even tried getting it published!  I didn’t succeed, sadly, but I legitimately loved this idea, and I wanted it to get out there at the time.

Nowadays, I may have to reread it, and maybe change a thing or two around, but publishing it with KDP is not off the table.

I did have an idea for a project, and I figured that NaNoWriMo might be the perfect time and place to get that idea banged out.  Unfortunately, this idea formulated around the same time Alabasq got canceled again, which I know SOUNDS convenient, but what can I say.

I’ve actually had a couple of ideas in the wings, and since Alabasq ended up not working out, I flipped a coin, it came up heads, and now the idea is in the works.

The only thing I’m willing to say right now is the title: A Majin Among Us.

I’m not especially good at young adult.  I have an attempt at a young adult novel on my harddrive, and I do believe that was the last thing I tried getting for-real published before getting fed up and putting future stories on KDP.  Speaking of projects I need to look over…

Gael was also originally going to be a young adult novel, but between my disdain for whiney teenagers, my love for swearing, and…  Shall we say, certain character traits of one Logan Gray Wolf, it just wasn’t working out.  Fortunnately, I was early in the development process to the point where it didn’t matter anyway.

This time around, though, I think I’m going to try it.  Barring that, I think I’m going to have a high schooler for a protagonist for sure.

I’ll let you know how things are going via my Facebook.  Till then, I’ll see you in December.

The Jellies: My Thoughts Thus Far

I legitimately can’t remember the last time a show with this much promise ended up being this disappointing.  I shouldn’t be surprised in the longrun.  After all, this is Adult Swim.  Rick and Morty is probably the one original show on there that either doesn’t suck right out the gate like literally ANYTHING featuring Tim and Eric, or has officially worn out its welcome like Squidbillies.

The commercial seemed so promising.  I found myself using “Walla Walla!  Doopity doo!” as a sort of accomplishment sound.  Sort of a “YEAH, BOYEE!”, or “IN YOUR FACE, SON!” sort of declaration, you know?  I almost made it the notification chime on my cell phone, but opted for Mr. Meseeks instead.

Then the show hit.  We’re only two episodes in, and I already want my money back.  Yeah, I know, I didn’t pay for anything technically.  And yet, I still feel like someone owes me money for watching this trash.

The adopted son, the only character in the family who ISN’T an anthropomorphic jellyfish, is the least interesting character in the show.  Fuck humans: I want to see what these jellyfish are doing on land!  I suppose the series is still fairly young at the time I’m writing this, but so far, both episodes I’ve seen have focused entirely on the human son.

On top of that, everything about this show seems so dated.  I mean come the fuck on, guy,  Pimp My Ride reference in 2017?  That show hasn’t been relevant since 2007.  I’m not even sure Xhibit is even alive anymore, let alone doing rap.  The fact I even remember Xhibit in the first place is either proof I’m fucking old as fuck, or that I used to have really bad taste in music when I was a teenager.  Though if I knew rap was going to become this bland, manufactured, Migos bullshit, I’d probably have appreciated guys like Xhibit a lot more.

Considering episode two delt with transgenderism to a degree, it’s especially amazing.  How can a show that tackles issues this current feel so dated?  I don’t know, but they found a way.

Throw in a couple other clichés, like the token whigger, hair-brained schemes, and the possibility of a dumbass dad, and this show’s painting by the numbers.  I was kinda expecting a fucked up family dynamic judging by how the parents acted in later comercials.  For the record, that’s not a selling point.  I just saw it on the comercial, and braced myself for it on the night the show premiered.

I’m guessing Rick and Morty has set the bar rickdiculously high.  It proved that not EVERY show on Adult Swim has to be poorly animated, poorly written, and/or involve Tim god damn Heidecker in any way shape or form.  I guess it was foolish of me to expect a year that gave us the long-awaited season 3 of Rick and Morty and the series finale to Samurai Jack to maintain the status quo and continue giving us good shit.  I mean yeah, Tim and Eric Bedtime Stories is still stinking up the airwaves, but at this stage, I’ve just come to accept that those two fucktards are just never going to leave, and that people love them despite the fact they’re so unfunny that it’s literally painful to sit through.  Also, Squidbillies and Robot Chicken got new seasons, but despite wearing out their welcome, I don’t mind them nearly as much.  Hell, Robot Chicken actually still manages to make me laugh on occasion.

On one hand, I want to give The Jellies the benefit of a doubt.  After all, I’m only two episodes in.  If BoJack Horseman has taught me anything, it’s that I should probably give shows like this more of a chance.  The first season of BoJack had a pretty rough start, but if you soldier through the first three or four episodes, it gets way better.

On the other hand…  This is Adult Swim.  What you see is often what you get.  So I’m not optimistic that this show’s going to get any better.

Alabasq is Canceled. Again.

Earlier in the month, I announced that I was going to resume work on a 2015 project I’d originally canceled.  The working title, and perhaps the official title (knowing how I operate) was Alabasq.

A month of rewriting and going over my mental notes later, I regret to inform those who might’ve been interested that the project is shelved once again.  Furthermore, I don’t see myself visiting this project again in the near future.

The new direction, focusing less on two characters and their intertwining story, and more on one specific character, is about as far as I’d gotten.  I rewrote and rearranged the chapters I kept, which unfortunately means a project that had FIVE chapters originally now only has TWO.

I’d begun thinking that I might’ve picked the wrong character to focus on, but after a year of writing The Gael Saga, I thought it was time to focus on a MALE protagonist for a change.  Much to the disgust of neoliberals, and the people in charge of Hollywood this past summer.

The possibility of focusing on the other character is not off the table, but for the most part, I felt like the male character had more going on storywise.  Scifi political thrillers have their demographic, but I’m a man of action, not of sitting around the office and debating politics with idiots.  Although taking potshots isn’t necessarily beneath me, either.

At this time, I just can’t get anything out of the project.  The notes are there, and the idea is solid (I think).  However, I just can’t get this idea to formulate properly.  It doesn’t exactly flow out of my hands, and onto the ole word processor like the first two Gael Saga novels did.  Hell, even the third Gael Saga novel, in all its complication, had a flow to it.

Also, the more I look at my story, the more even I can’t help but think that this is Dune on ice.  I suppose that’d be a great way to market it, but Frank Herbert fans seem like the kind of group who wouldn’t appreciate someone trying to rip off the master.  Even if it IS unintentional.

In the end, I’ve decided to shelf Alabasq.  Maybe I’ll come back to it one day.  I didn’t think I would two years ago, and look what happened.  However, I don’t see this getting worked on here in the immediate future for sure.

My apologies to anyone who was looking forward to it.  This is pretty much the first time in years I’ve canceled a project outright.  Even I’M not entirely sure how to feel about that.  But I’m afraid that’s the situation in any case.

I do have another announcement in the pipeline, and I’ll be making it very shortly.  Stay tuned.  I promise this one won’t be so disappointing.

Well it was Nice While it Lasted

It says a lot about your conditioning as a fan when you see your team is 5-0 in the regular season, and the only team in the entire league with an undefeated record, and the only thought in your head is “Boy I sure can’t wait to see how we fuck this one up.”  It’s a terrible thought, but man, that’s what it’s like being a Chiefs fan.

 

This team, right here, always has me guessing.  It’s always dependent on what kind of year we have.  Which I suppose is better than knowing right out the gate your team is going to suck elephant balls (cough Cleveland cough), but man, it’s a rollercoaster.

 

Literally the only thing you can predict about The Chiefs is that they’re either going to suck this year, or they’re going to have a really good regular season, and fuck up when it actually matters.  Though to be fair, we lost to The Patriots two years ago, and the only shame in that is if you lose with a score of 57 to 14 or something particularly humiliating like that.  Then there’s games like last year, where one specific player got a holding penalty that cost us a two point conversion that would’ve tied the game.  Which reminds me, how the fuck is it we get rid of Jeremy MacLyn for some reason, but Eric fucking Fisher got to keep HIS job?  That’s seriously the kind of boneheaded mistake that gets football fans angry, and talk of sacrificing you to their vengeful football god starts circulating.

 

Six weeks into the 2017 season, The Chiefs were undefeated…  Until week 6, when they took on The Steelers.  To put it bluntly: death, taxes, and Steelers beat The Chiefs.  Enough said.

 

I knew it wasn’t going to last forever.  If not because nobody’s been able to replicate the legendary Miami Dolphins undefeated streak (and don’t even start with 2007 Patriots, because losing the superbowl counts as a loss, and therefore, you’re not undefeated), but because it’s the fucking Chiefs.  This is a team that’s great at building up so they can knock you down.  And we fall for it every year.  It’d be embarrassing if it wasn’t something trivial like a sports team.

 

If you want my prediction, I’ll say that, for sure, we’re making it to the playoffs.  Then we choke against the first team we play, and then sit back and watch as The Patriots win another fucking superbowl.

Big Mouth: My Thoughts

Honestly, when it comes to the hip and popular thing everyone won’t shut the fuck up about, I usually tend to be an avoider.  Case in point, I still haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books past The Sorceror’s Stone, I haven’t watched ANY of Breaking Bad, and I actively went out of my way to AVOID House of Cards.  I still don’t know how I got talked into Orange is the New Black, but long time readers already know where I stand on that.  And if you’re new…  Yeah, the book was better.  Oh yeah, did you know there was a book?  And about four different versions of the book are on Audible.com, weirdly enough.  Not sure WHY there’s four, but there’s apparently four.  But I digress.

I usually tend to avoid the trendy things…  Except in the case of Big Mouth, the trendy thing is probably the most polarizing thing out there right now.  I think the only thing anybody can agree on is that the character designs suck.  I’ll own up to having certain designs I don’t like (IE, football headed characters), but really once you see your way past the character designs, the show is actually…  Meh.

I’ve heard the popular joke/statement where someone says it’s all about those awkward years of going through puberty, and “The last thing I ever want to do is relive those awkward years.”  Yeah, at least you had NORMAL middle school experiences.  Got to go to normal middle school, make awkward mistakes around a bunch of other normal kids who knew just as little as you did, and nobody threw you into a special little asylum school where you were a confused thirteen-year-old forced to coexist with a bunch of sixteen and seventeen year old assholes who fucking resented every minute you were in the same room as them, made fun of you for having arachnophobia, and calling you several variations of “gay ass faggot” for liking professional wrestling.  Yeah, you definitely had it rough.  My life was smooth sailing.

Oi, the sarcasm kills me inside.

In all seriousness, though, the show is…  Okay.  It’s not horrible, it’s not amazing, it’s just okay.

Admittedly, I heard one of the guys who wrote Sausage Party was involved with this show, which was a red flag right out the gate.  As mentioned in Red Flannel Radio, I watched about three minutes of Sausage Party, and Immediately called it quits.

But suppose Sausage Party was a fluke.  Hell, it’s happened before.  I mean hell, Rob Zombie makes some of my favorite horror movies of all time…  But he ALSO made a shitty remake of the first two Halloween movies.  Everybody’s entitled to one fuck up, right?

Well fortunately, Big Mouth isn’t as terrible.  Hell, I’m up to episode 8 as of this writing, and…  Well…  I’m not exactly laughing at every single joke the show throws at me.  Far from it, really.  Yet at the same timeI don’t really feel compelled to turn away in revoltion, either.

There are some aspects of the show that are more annoying than anything else.  Coach Steve is that character I know they’re TRYING to make funny, but boy is it not working at all.  I see what MarsReviews was talking about when they mentioned they have a habit of running jokes into the ground.  Yes, I’m familiar with the comedy rule of three, but things like the “shit covered basketballs” wasn’t funny the first time, and it never gets funnier with repetition.

On the other hand, it’s actually an interesting take on the concept of puberty.  The “hormone monster” is unsurprisingly the character they want you to consider your favorite, and it’s not hard to see why.  It’s very Family Guy esque in how it’s supposed to be an entity only kids going through puberty can see and interact with, but sometimes adults can see him because SHUT UP AND LAUGH YOU FUCKING CRETINS!.  That being said, I’ve laughed more at things the hormone monsters and monstresses have said than pretty much any other joke.

Notgoing to lie, this show is pretty fucking gross.  I personally have made peace with the idea that the human body is disgusting, and anyone who says otherwise is either a fucking liar, or they’re more focused on the outside.  They’re more about your image than about the inner workings and the horrible, disgusting smells and objects the body can produce such as feces, urine, tumors, and children.  Fucking grody, man.

That being said, yeah, there’s a lot of masturbation jokes in this.  And yeah, there’s a whole episode about a girl getting her first period.  The worst of it is probably the episode of Jay getting his pillow pregnant in his weird schizophrenic fantasy world.  Part of me definitely could’ve lived a lot longer without seeing a lot of that.  And another part of me can’t help but wonder why I never thought of that till now?  Oh well.

If you can see your way past the grossout factor, it’s actually not the worst thing ever.  Believe me, I’ve seen worse.  Shit, I listen to GWAR for crying out loud.  You want to talk gross…

At the same time, though, I’m not in a huge hurry to recommend the show.  It’s not terrible, but it’s probably nothing I’m going to watch more than once.  As far as recommendations go…  I don’t know, check it out for yourself.  Formulate your own fucking opinion instead of getting it from a half-blind insomniac who probably ought to be writing his next novel instead of spending his Saturday off watching Netflix and listening to Hunter S. Thompson novels on Audible.com.