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Suicide Squad: My Thoughts

Okay, I know I just got through talking about how DC movies tend to suck, and how I was going into Suicide Squad with pretty low expectations.  It really looked less like a superhero movie, and more like a bad comedy movie the way the previews were making it look.  But hey, previews have led me astray before.

Honestly, the only real hangup I had going in was who the roster  ended up consisting of.  Sure, they had Harleyquin (the one everybody wouldn’t shut up about), Captain Boomerang, and Deadshot (the one I wouldn’t shut up about), but Killer Crock?  My knowledge of Suicide Squad comes primarily from this movie, Arrow (a show I have a real love-hate relationship with as of season 3), and their appearance in the new52 version of Resurrectionman (probably the only good thing to come out of the new52 if you ask me).  Maybe not the best sources for Suicide Squad information, but I was seriously hoping for Bronze Tiger and that chick who used the heart-shaped arrows.  Never did figure out who she was supposed to be, and I’m kind of hoping against hope her name wasn’t really Cupid, Stupid.

Killer Crock was a C-list villain at absolute best.  His ultimate claim to fame was the “I threw a rock at him!” line that eventually became a Nostalgia Critic meme for, like, five minutes.  But hey, it could’ve been worse.  They could’ve made him the main villain in a pretentious interpretation of Suicide Squad.  Yeah, four years later, I’m still bitching about Dark Knight Rises.

And who the hell is El Diablo?  Yeah, dude can manipulate fire…  And that’s about all I know about the guy.  Forget C-list, something that obscure belongs on the D-list.  Right there with Bullseye the Clown and any Aquaman villain who wasn’t Black Manta.

But suppose you don’t care.  You don’t know who any of these guys are, and all you want is to see DC try to make The Anti-Avengers.  Does it succeed at long last?  Well, the critics say no, but I and a lot of the actual movie going audience say yes.

Really, my hangups with the roster were minor at worst.  Once the movie actually got started, I actually found I was enjoying myself quite a bit.  Granted, one of my friends had to explain who Enchantress was, and who the male demon Enchantress was talking to was most likely, but even then, it wasn’t a bad movie.

I refer it as “The Anti-Avengers”, because really, The Suicide Squad is like the bizarro version of The Avengers.  Instead of a team of the world’s greatest heroes tag teaming up and heroing around because they’re the good guys, and evil space aliens are going to blow our shit up, we have a bunch of fairly obscure villains being forced to tag team with each other and hero it up under the threat of death by head melting cell phone app.  Harleyquin was probably the only well known villain on the entire roster.  And maybe Deadshot and Captain Boomerang if you’ve been following the CW shows.

The only real downside to the movie was the fact DC is apparently copying the Marvel trope and leaving us with teasers after the credits.  Seriously, I fucking hate this practice.  If it’s relevant to the plot, put it at the end of the fucking movie.  If it has nothing to do with anything (IE, the Howard the Duck cameo at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy), then shut the fuck up and save it for the previews.  I’m sick of having to cross my legs that much longer and having to tell my bladder “hold on a second, buddy” in order to get ten seconds of footage.  And that includes doing it in the middle of the credits as well, though to be fair, it’s not as much of an ordeal that way.

Semi-related note: what the fuck is the big deal with ectocooler?  People older than me told me all about how Ectocooler is the shit, and how ectocooler coming back is literally the ONLY good thing about Ghostbusters 2016.  I had some with my movie, deciding”fuck it, I’ve spoken my peace, The Church of Latter Day GhostBusters is pleased, might as well see what the big deal is”.  Frankly, it tasted adequate, and left me REALLY needing to piss like a racehorse by the time Enchantress was beaten.

Also, I have to admit, the Wonder Woman trailer did not inspire a whole lot of confidence.  Granted< I don’t have a whole lot of interest in Wonder Woman in general, but even then, this movie doesn’t inspire a whole lot of confidence.  Frankly, that has nothing to do with anything.

Overall, I recommend you see Suicide Squad.  Maybe it won’t win an Oscar, but it’s the first time in a long time a DC property actually works on screen.  Surely, that’s worth SOMETHING.


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