I didn’t find out about the majesty of Maddox until about 2004. Even then, I only found out he existed because Steakandcheese.com, a disgusting fucking website I used to love that has long since been replaced by a RedTube clone, shared his article entitled “You’re Not Dave Chappelle, and You’re Not Funny.” This was the article I gladly shared with all my dipshit classmates who thought saying “I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH!” was an adequate substitute for a joke. Only to be reminded that I was just as bad about “GET ‘R DONE” as they were with “I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH!”.
Regardless, that article led to quite a few nights of reading, and rereading, and occasionally even rerereading Maddox articles, and absorbing the gospel of the almighty pirate lord into my own being. He basically writes books, and makes YouTube videos now, but I still follow his work fairly closely.
His latest book, Fuck Whales, is the only book of his that has made it on to Audible.com. I can see why I’m Better Than Your Kids isn’t there, considering it’s mostly a picture book, but I figured for sure The Alphabet of Manliness would be there. Unless it has more pictures than I remember. It’s been a while since my friend and I skimmed through that one.
If you’re familiar with The Best Page in the Universe, then you know exactly what to expect from this book. I don’t know if there are pictures in this book (I got the audiobook, after all), but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a few.
If you’ve never heard of The Best Page in the Universe… Well… I don’t know what to tell you, except prepare to be called several different variants of idiot while the author explains how he’s awesome, how you’re stupid, and how this or that doesn’t work because reasons. It sounds offensive when I describe it, but then again, I’m not Maddox.
Maddox himself reads the audiobook, which makes the experience even more awesome. Both because it’s Maddox, and because I always love it when authors read their own books for the audiobook. One of the reasons Georges St. Pierre’s audiobook is extremely disappointing. Well that, and the fact it’s one of the most disjointed autobiographies I’ve read since Hunter S. Thompson, but at least you could say HST was probably on ten different kinds of pills.
Fuck Whales starts off pretty irreverent, with such articles as “Fuck Tables” and “Fuck Horses”. Eventually, though, it gets into some seriously deep shit with such articles as “Fuck Being Offended”. You read the first couple essays, and get a good little “tee hee” over the absurdism of having a negative opinion about something like a table. Then you get into stuff like vegetarians who refuse to eat leftover meat, or how we live in a society where bagging groceries is considered less demeaning than doing porn. the transition from silly to deep is scemeless, and you don’t even notice it unless you’re really paying attention.
All and all, Fuck Whales is a 256 page ass kicking just waiting to be unloaded onto your brain. And you owe it to yourself to let this book kick your ass.