Rousy in WWE is Kind of a Downgrade

It’s WrestleMania season, which means I’m paying closer attention to WWE and their shinanigans in order to decide if this year’s pay per view is worth buying.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to order the Royal Rumble this year, but in this day and age where WWE THEMSELVES upload super abridged versions of every show, it’s no biggy.

Apparently, this year was the year they had their first ever women’s Royal Rumble.  And can I just say, the women’s division in WWE has come a ridiculously long way since  2014.  Last time I watched WWE religiously, Daniel Bryan was still an active wrestler, John Cena was at the height of his obnoxiousness, and the “divas” were an absolute shit show.  God bless Natalya and Beth Phoenix for doing the best they could with the talentless idiots they had to carry.  It was an era when women’s wrestling wasn’t taken seriously, but we couldn’t make them do swimsuit competitions and wrestle in pudding like when The Kat was around.  Well, technically, you COULD do swimsuit competitions, but they were pretty bulky one-piece swimsuits that left a lot to be desired if you were anything but a leg man.  But I digress.  Gone are the days of Kelly Kelly, Candis Michelle, and The Bellas.  Long live the era of Sasha Banx, Asuka, and Bayley.

Okay, getting back on track.

Asuka winning the rumble was the exact opposite of a shock.  The big shock came when Ronda fucking Rousy, former UFC women’s bantamweight champion, came out, and did her big thing where she pointed at the WrestleMania sign.

Ronda Rousy debuting in WWE is one of those moments that causes the roof to come unglued.  People have been talking about Rousy being a wrestler since 2016 or so.  Maybe even longer, for all I know.  This seems like a pretty great moment…

But then a thought occurred to me.  Ronda Rousy actually LOST her last two matches in UFC.  She lost the title to Holly Holme (one of my favorites in the division at the time), and…  I forget who she lost to the second time, but she never got her mojo back from that first loss.

Rousy seemed unbeatable in her championship days.  She was fortunate to be in a real sport, where winning a twenty-five minute match in fifteen seconds is something to brag about.  You pull something like that in UFC, you’ve accomplished something great.  True, it’s probably not a world record (I think Andre Arlovski holds the record for shortest title fight victory ever with a match lasting six seconds), but it’s still something that’d have a lot of shit talkers second guessing themselves.

You try a fifteen second match in WWE, meanwhile, it doesn’t go over nearly as well.  A fifteen second match in WWE is either a comedy spot, or it’s the biggest ripoff ever.  Just take a look at the reaction to Daniel Bryan Vs Sheamus at Wrestlemania28.  Eighteen seconds is not something to brag about in a scripted show.

Ronda Rousy, the woman who beat about ninety percent of her opponents in the first round, suddenly loses her winning ways in a REAL fight, and ends up in a scripted show like WWE?  That seems like a demotion to me.  The same thing happened with Brock Lesnar after he lost to Cain Velasquez.  He just couldn’t win anymore, and had to resort to play-fighting in order to be taken seriously again.  Although Lesnar got his start play-fighting, where as Rousy is just now entering the arena, but still…

I know that sounds kind of demeaning to wrestling fans when I say that.  Believe me, I know what that’s like, having people who not only can’t take your favorite thing on TV to watch seriously, but thoroughly ride your ass from first period to the end of the school day calling you a gay-ass faggot and making fun of you nonstop for liking a fake-ass show.  And yes, I reluctantly own up to being one of those idiots who tried, and absolutely failed at trying to explain the difference between fake and scripted.  PS: don’t ever do that.  It doesn’t improve your case at all.

As someone who likes wrestling and MMA equally, I try to be as diplomatic as possible.

But let’s be honest, guys, wrestling is scripted, and MMA is real.  To go from real fighting to scripted fighting…  Doesn’t that seem like kind of a downgrade?  Sure, Brock Lesnar is built up as this inhuman tank, but in the world of REAL fights, he had to beef up on HGH or whatever just to even stand a chance against some rando heavyweight from the UFC.  I can’t imagine Bobby Lashley’s recent MMA career has treated him any better, considering he’s down in IMPACT right now.  And now Ronda Rousy is taking up the wrestling trade.

I’m not sure what they have planned for Rousy at WrestleMania this year.  Honestly, I’m one of those guys who doesn’t look up the spoiler pages.  I’m subscribed to a wrestling podcast or two that dishes out some back stage news, so I know about stuff like Enzo Amore getting fired recently.  But as for what’s going to happen at WrestleMania…  I’d kind of like to be surprised.

Still, I can’t help but think this is actually a bit of a step down for Rousy.  Especially since MMA guys fucking HATE pro-wrestlers.

There’s definitely some resentment between the two fanbases, and it’s not hard to see why.  A lot of people, including my own mother, can’t tell the difference between the two.  Wrestling sites have, in the past, covered UFC events, which I always found baffling.  MMA fans, meanwhile, tend to get lobbed into the same crowd as wrestling fans, and I can definitely see why that’d piss people off.  It reminds me personally of all those bureaucrats in the Kansas state government who think the school for the blind and the school for the deaf should be the same building.  Because apparently, blind and deaf are the same fucking thing, and if they had it their way, those freaks would all be going to the circus to learn sign language with all the other cripples anyway.  So yeah, I get it.

I really don’t know how to end this ramblefest.  So all I’ll say is that this WrestleMania season is looking kind of interesting so far.  Between this, and the fact they actually DIDN’T let one of The Fortunate Sons win the rumble on the men’s side this year, it might actually be worth dropping some cash on.

 

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From Undefeated to Unbearable to Watch

If I’ve learned anything in life, I’ve learned that being a Chiefs fan is an exercise in masochism.  Every football team has its off-days, and some even have off-seasons (IE, this year’s Indianapolis Colts).  But man, The Chiefs really know how to build your hopes up just high enough to make it hurt that much more when the cleats come down on your balls.

At first, we were 5-0.  We managed to be the longest going undefeated team in 2017, if not one of them, and the playoffs were a guarantee.  Shit, we beat the fucking Patriots in game 1!

Then game 6 happened, and it’s honestly been all down hill from there.

Losing to The Steelers is one thing: love them or hate them, Pittsburgh’s got one of the better teams in the league.  I could probably forgive our loss to The Cowboys, but only because I missed that game.  Losing to The Raiders was humiliating: partly because it’s the fucking Raiders, but also because they scored that same touchdown, like, five different times in a row, but had to replay it every single time because somebody kept getting ten and fifteen-yard-penalties that negated the play entirely.

And then, we played The Giants.  The 1-7 Giants, I might add.  one of my favorite YouTubers of all time has frequently referred to The G-men as “The NFL’s sentient derp”, and this year, it’s not hard to see why.  This is really the quarterback who led Big Blue into what looked like a slaughter, and somehow managed to pants Tom Brady and the undefeated Patriots?  Because based on the clips shows I’ve seen, the one thing this team has going for it is that it’s not Cleveland, whom as of this writing are sitting ugly at 0-10.

The Chiefs, even during their undefeated streak, weren’t a flawless team.  While not as bad as some teams, our defense left a lot to be desired.  Still, even a team like this ought to be able to get a touchdown.

This game, without a shadow of a doubt, has got to be the most boring Chiefs game I’ve ever sat through.  And I’m definitely counting games that had a score of 35 to 0.  Regardless of who had the 35 and who had the 0.  Fieldgoalmania was running wild, brother, and somehow, this game managed to make it into overtime.  In which it was won by ANOTHER FUCKING FIELDGOAL!

Our next game is against The Bills.  The Giants may be having a bad year, but The Bills are having a bad… decade, I guess.  In their last game, the quarterback threw not one, not two, but FIVE interceptions.  In one half.  And I have five bucks on the table right now that says we somehow lose this one as well.

I’m in disbelief that this is the same team that, at the beginning of the season, destroyed The Patriots.  But I guess this is the sort of thing that happens here in KC.  When the games actually matter, the Chiefs choke.  Fuck my life.

Well it was Nice While it Lasted

It says a lot about your conditioning as a fan when you see your team is 5-0 in the regular season, and the only team in the entire league with an undefeated record, and the only thought in your head is “Boy I sure can’t wait to see how we fuck this one up.”  It’s a terrible thought, but man, that’s what it’s like being a Chiefs fan.

 

This team, right here, always has me guessing.  It’s always dependent on what kind of year we have.  Which I suppose is better than knowing right out the gate your team is going to suck elephant balls (cough Cleveland cough), but man, it’s a rollercoaster.

 

Literally the only thing you can predict about The Chiefs is that they’re either going to suck this year, or they’re going to have a really good regular season, and fuck up when it actually matters.  Though to be fair, we lost to The Patriots two years ago, and the only shame in that is if you lose with a score of 57 to 14 or something particularly humiliating like that.  Then there’s games like last year, where one specific player got a holding penalty that cost us a two point conversion that would’ve tied the game.  Which reminds me, how the fuck is it we get rid of Jeremy MacLyn for some reason, but Eric fucking Fisher got to keep HIS job?  That’s seriously the kind of boneheaded mistake that gets football fans angry, and talk of sacrificing you to their vengeful football god starts circulating.

 

Six weeks into the 2017 season, The Chiefs were undefeated…  Until week 6, when they took on The Steelers.  To put it bluntly: death, taxes, and Steelers beat The Chiefs.  Enough said.

 

I knew it wasn’t going to last forever.  If not because nobody’s been able to replicate the legendary Miami Dolphins undefeated streak (and don’t even start with 2007 Patriots, because losing the superbowl counts as a loss, and therefore, you’re not undefeated), but because it’s the fucking Chiefs.  This is a team that’s great at building up so they can knock you down.  And we fall for it every year.  It’d be embarrassing if it wasn’t something trivial like a sports team.

 

If you want my prediction, I’ll say that, for sure, we’re making it to the playoffs.  Then we choke against the first team we play, and then sit back and watch as The Patriots win another fucking superbowl.

Goodbye, Jamal

Well if you live in KC, then one of the popular topics of discussion is that The Chiefs finally gave Jamal Charles his walking papers.  on one hand, I can see why a lot of guys are mystified.  On the other hand, I can see why The Chiefs did what they did.

On one hand, Jamal Charles was an institution.  He was pretty much the star player of The Chiefs for the longest time.  He’s been on the team since I first started paying attention to football!  I remember him from when Todd Halley was the coach, Matt Cassle was getting sacked every other play, and Larry Johnson were cakin’.

Unfortunately, dude’s been injured for about two years straight.  That’s bad enough.  Add on the fact that the coaching staff have long since figured out how to replace him, and…  Well…  Nobody likes learning they’re obsolete, but…  Charles pretty much became obsolete.  Travis Kelsey, Kniles Davis, and Charkendrick West have all proven to be successful, and we never would’ve figured out they were any good unless Charles was on the injured list.

If The Chiefs had one glaring problem in their strategy, it was that they depended on Charles WAY too much.  Occasionally, they’d hand it off to a guy like McCluster, or Bowe (back when they were around), but it seemed like it always went to Charles.  Not taking anything away from Charles himself, but man, when you hand the ball off to the same guy every single god damn time, then wonder how on Earth the other team was able to stifle your offense so easily without coming to the obvious conclusion, then I think we might have a problem.

When Charles was on the bench, the team had to find work arounds to a strategy that, if you asked me, was barely working at best.  And as a result of giving guys like West and Kelsey a chance, and changing up who gets the ball, we ended up on an eleven game winning streak in the 2015 season.  And in our defense, we lost the playoffs to the fucking Patriots.  There’s little to no shame in losing to The Patriots: they’re nigh unstoppable.  Especially now that Peyton Manning is retired.

It’s sad to see a guy like Charles go, but I think this might be for the better.  Like I said before, dude’s been injured for two straight years now.  It’s really not doing us any good hanging on to him.

All that being said, watch the next team that decides to draft him instantly go to the superbowl and win.  Assuming he doesn’t retire.  Or that team happens to go against The Patriots, and the Patriots are the team that DIDN’T draft him.  Because there are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and Patriots win the superbowl.